get me bodied

I have recently found a new appreciation for taking good care of my body and giving it the things it needs to feel strong. Although I've been a vegetarian for going on 13 years now, I haven't always been the healthiest veggie... I really enjoy preparing food, whether following recipes or making up my own, and have been on a kick with that for a while now. Over the past month, I've also started transitioning into more of a raw foods diet. I'm not there 100% now and don't know if I ever will be. I like having a big, hot bowl of good soup when it's chilly out like it is today...26 degrees in Tejas...ouch. But I must say that, after thinking about if for a while and reading several books on the raw/living foods lifestyle, I was curious about all of the accounts of dramatic decreases in lifetime aches and pains that people experience with this food. I've always been sensitive, especially with my joint, feet, and heart issues and, though I still feel pretty dang good overall, the big 3-0 brings with it a reminder that old physical shit will keep cropping up and progressing if I don't take a more active role in my health.


So....my lovely sister friend, Lizzy, loaned me a book by Alissa Cohen, raw foods guru, and I started making raw dishes when I got back home from winter break. At first, it was just out of curiosity. But, although, it's only been about a month, I have to say that the energy I feel when I eat these foods is totally amazing and very noticeable. I also have started craving more and more of the good stuff the more I eat it....big, juicy salads, smoothies, etc. I found a raw pad thai recipe that's a favorite so far and a mock salmon pate that's pretty delicious. The food fills me up and keeps me going all day with a buzzy, deep zing that's very refreshing. As seems to happen when your life shifts course in positive ways, many helpful tools fell into my lap within my first 2 weeks of trying this out. A friend gifted me an extra juicer that she had and my Mom gifted us a food processor and dehydrator. I also found a local farm where I can possibly volunteer in exchange for organic veggies and produce.

That would be a great help because, currently, the only obstacle I see with this lifestyle, is affording the food...it's frustrating that food in its whole form, straight from the dirt is so much more pricey than the poisonous crap that many Americans are economically forced into and/or addicted to eating. But that's the current situation. I'm channeling my frustration into action.

I made up a raw dessert tonight that I mixed in the food processor: Chocolate Orange Ice Cream Delight!

Ingredients: (nothing was measured)
cacao powder
soaked dates
frozen bananas
sesame seeds
cinnamon
vanilla extract
1 orange and about 2 tbsps of orange zest

I just popped it in the freezer and can't wait to taste it tomorrow.

Part of my extra energy from the better food has been channeled into more exercise...mainly Zumba!, walking around the track at the park in the neighborhood, hula hooping, and my push-up. Yes...push-up singular. I really want to get my upper body strength up to the point of doing multiple push-ups. But, for now, I'm restricted to a daily push-up. This only accounts for one, complete, straight-legged push-up, btw. There are many failed attempts and a few partial/knee push-ups thrown in the mix but I only count the "real ones". I'm hoping to increase to 3 a day by March. It sounds like a pretty wimpy goal but...dang push-ups are hard!

Maybe, after a couple more months of all this healthy stuff, I'll be able to do this!

women

Stream of consciousness writing:

What makes the timbre of our voices?
Does the amount of grief or joy experienced over a lifetime tighten or expand the vocal cords, restricting flow or adding a lilt?
The women with breathy little girl voices automatically remind me of men who have taken advantage.
The frozen floor of the dark basement below the stone house. A cold hand like a fish, squirming its way down to me and the clutch of fear that crept into my throat.
I admire the bravery of that girl who invented an excuse and got away. Not all are so lucky.
Predators lurk like sharks, deceive like satyrs and steal the warm, deep, sure voices of our women.
These women stuck in the amber moment of girlhood, suspended as if in a chrysalis...frightened to emerge.
Don't show your wings or attract too much attention. This is dangerous.
This creates suspicion, edginess, the uneven jitters beneath the well manicured casing.
This turns women against women and loosens the ties of cloth and blood and sisterhood.
Women must love each other.
Forget the competition, jealousy, and comparison and embrace the curves, the skinny knees, the cycles of dying and renewing.
We change like the moon and hold our men close to us, muffling the quiet fears of betrayal or violence...whether we've directly been touched by it or not.
Melt these icy walls, lose the hardness, and start trusting again.
The health of our world, men, sisters, and children depends on our soft, strong, resilient knowing.
We are beautiful.

R.I.P. Trish Keenan

Your voice and lyrics haunt and inspire many and you will not be forgotten.

a dream from 10/5/10

I was at the ocean with two men who represented J and one of his brothers. It was a beautiful, warm day. There were mountains on the horizon and the sky was many colors. I sat on the beach and watched the men swim out to a rock that looked far away. They started waving their hands at me and yelling something. At first, I thought they were telling me to come into the water, but then I realized that they were signaling for help. I ran over to a lifeguard stand. There was a man in a dark grey, pinstripe suit sitting there very casually. He exuded coolness and calm. I told him that they were in trouble but he seemed to sense no urgency and continued to make small talk with other people nearby. After a few more attempts at getting his attention, he finally seemed to get the message, feel my panic, and jump into action. He sprinted towards the water and jumped into the ocean. He was also instantly wearing swim trunks. I ran after him and somehow managed to jump into the water before him and start swimming to the rock. Given the distance, I was surprised to make it there in only a few strokes. I was swimming with my head entirely underwater and was moving as quickly as I could while trying to maintain awareness of the rock approaching so that I didn't hit my head. I soon saw/felt the shadow of it getting closer and J's brother reached into the water and gently lifted my head out of the water before I crashed. The gesture was very gentle and loving. I hoisted my body onto the rock and realized that the men weren't actually in trouble and that I had misunderstood their signal. I said something about the lifeguard approaching and grew nervous that he would think we had pranked him and we'd be in trouble. Both men simultaneously jumped into the water and started swimming towards the shore. I knew that they would intervene and explain the misunderstanding and that they were having fun. It put my mind at ease.

The scene changed and I was swimming, far away from any shore, with a group of people. There was a blonde man with us who, I think, represented J. We were trying to reach something. Without warning, a gigantic whale jumped out of the water. It was so close to J that I thought it would crush him when it landed but it narrowly missed him. I turned around in the water and started swimming back to shore, filled with awe at what we had just seen.



Later, I was sitting on the beach by myself again and was aware that there were many other people on the beach with me and everyone was extremely peaceful. I looked behind me and saw a couple in their late 40s or early 50s sitting behind me. They both had their eyes closed and looked content and radiant. She had a long, grey braid and crinkly eyes and they both looked younger than their ages. The man opened his eyes and began playing some sort of wind instrument. The woman watched him lovingly. I turned my attention back to the water and watched the waves and sky. I noticed a little wisp of grey smoke on the horizon, that curled around and then vanished. It suddenly filled me with sadness about losing my mother someday. I thought about our lives being as ephemeral as curls of smoke, especially compared to the size and age of the ocean. This feeling washed over me and urged me to fully connect and engage with the people in my life.

Next, I was walking with a small group of people on a trail in some thick, moist woods at dusk. I kept stopping to pick something of mine that I continually dropped on the trail. At one point, I climbed down into a little gulch to retrieve that something again (it was never fully materialized but I think it was blue). The members of the group teased me for going off the path but J was with us and smiled at me. I instantly felt accepted and given the freedom to take my time.