4th of July

It's nigh! It appears that what Americans appreciate most about this holiday, watching things explode in the sky, ain't gonna happen for Texans this year. I had a glimmer of hope when San Marcos brazenly announced that they were going to blow things up regardless of serious drought conditions, come Hell or high water. However, they have since decided that, since they were the only town in the area with a planned fireworks show, too many people from surrounding areas would come to town and overwhelm them. So, fireworks are off again. A friend shared this video this morning and it was a great start to my last day of the semester. Colbert summed up my sentiments real good n stuff.

my mama cray

My Mom has been providing some much needed and inadvertent comic relief this week with our ridiculous gchats. The combination of her personality plus the occasional awkwardness of type-chat led to this convo a couple nights ago. Alas, all of our well-placed emoticons wouldn't transfer. Just mentally stick them in there when and where you feel appropriate.

Just for reference:

• Tutu=my grandmother (mama's mama). She's part-mermaid and has her own special brand of cray...enjoys throwing rocks at buzzards off of her balcony at night, etc.
  
• my Mom was super anxious this week because she was getting a tooth pulled...(she got on gchat last night only to type, "I survived" and then sign off)
• LeAnne is my Mom's next door neighbor and best friend...feisty broad!
• the "anniversary" I mention is the upcoming 10 yr anniversary of my motorcycle wreck. 7/3 has been a "jinx day" for me since and I'm trying to break it this year without breaking myself.
  
• the metal chicken blog is something a co-worker sent for My Mom and Jim's anniversary last week
• Mystic is this hoity-toity all girls' summer camp that many of the ladies on my Mom's side of the family went to for years . On your first year, you draw a slip of paper out of a hat in a very big deal/sorting hart-esque ceremony. You either draw blue and are, for the rest of your Mystic years, on the Kiowa tribe or you draw red and are forever a Tonkawa. All my kin had been Tonks so I, naturally, drew blue. I also was mercilessly teased and ended up spending most of my time hiding out in the "Nut Hut"...the name of one of the cabins....with kinder and younger folk or generally spacing out during the many sporting activities that occurred during the day. The one thing that I remember really enjoying at the camp was the theatre hour! We put on a production of the Hobbit...I think...I really am not even sure about that detail. Alls I knows is I spaced out on my entrance cue to scramble onstage as some sort of extra dwarf and say one line and my poor parents had to sit through the whole production in the hot ass sun without the gratification of even that. Oh, Mystic! Anyhow, not totally surprisingly, I never returned after my first year of hazing...erm...summer fun. But my Mom went for a zillion years and, being a general beauty and badass, was voted Chief of the Tonkawas one year (basically hundreds of girls declare that you're the shit and then you rule the roost for the year) and won a ton of patches for diving and kicking ass and the like. I think she also served as a counselor there when she got older and I know that she went back for a reunion with ol' Mystic gals recently. The force is strong in her.
  
• Weston is my roommate and he is awesome.
• Ol' Gene was my grandpa...he passed when I was little, but he had one of the kindest hearts on the planet and I have great memories of him. He also, from what I hear, had quite the sense of humor.
• Bud has been my Mom's dentist since they became friends in the '70s, before I was even a blush on my mother's cheek.
  

I think that's all (much more than) you need to know.

Jim/Doni: If you need to tell friends who are rendezvousing with you for Tutu's that they need to take a raincheck because you've been dealing with your grandmother . . . do it! There's no reason to have 7 people here when you're exhausted.

me: no...I really need that time. Good family/friend/music/swimming time will be the best thing

I can always bring a bell with me and ring people to bring me drinks like a princess bitch

Jim/Doni: OK.. You definitely have more energy than I have.

me: haha...not always.

you'd better have your bell ready for Tuesday

Jim/Doni: Yeah, well, I'm the princess bitch for the dentist thing, so get in line. I told Jim I expect the tooth fairy at age 55 should bring a Lexus or something . . . of course when your tooth falls out at age 5, it doesn't cost $4,000.

So the tooth fairy will probably just put a note under my pillow saying, "Get another job!"

me: hahaha, so true

Jim/Doni: Speaking of bells, LeAnne brought us some gorgeous chimes. Gorgeous. The kind you strike with a mallet. 3 different tones.

me: yes. can't wait to see/hear them.

Jim/Doni: OK. Take care of yourself. That's the best thing you can do for ME. And for yourself. There's a contestant on Food Network Star that reminds us of Weston. Alas, I think he might get booted in the next week or so unless he gets his camera skills going.

me: aww dang. Weston's pretty fabulous. And he's so excited about the 4th.

I just want to make it there in one piece. This 10 yr anniversary is kinda freakin me out. That and the fact that my knee has been acting up a lot lately.

Jim/Doni: Good! Can't wait to see him. Did I send you the blog about the metal chicken for anniversary?

me: didn't they say I would need to get the screw removed at some point. Oh...I haven't read that yet! Thanks for reminding me.

Jim/Doni: Not "Good!" about your knee. Our messages crossed.

me: haha...I know

Jim/Doni: I think they just said if it bothered you you might.

me: man. I wonder how involved/painful/expensive that would be

not even gonna think about that until I have insurance again

Jim/Doni: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Jim/Doni: Girl, you better go get your papers written, and I better go to bed. I hate it that your AC is out. Kiss Grandbetty for me.

me: I will! love you.

Jim/Doni: xoxoxoxoxo. Can't wait to see you. But sleep as much as you can.

me: yes, will do. But not on the 4th!

Jim/Doni: OK. Nite.

me: nighty poo, don't poo in your nighty

Jim/Doni: That's a lot funnier when you're at Mystic than when you get old.

me: haha...nope. I tell Weston and any other friend who sleeps over that EVERY. NIGHT.

the legacy lives on

Jim/Doni: Yeah . . . .but . . . .

me: yes.....?

Jim/Doni: Never mind.

Hey, there is an article in the current Texas Monthly about Mystic.

me: tell me!

why can't I say that as a 30 yr old?

Jim/Doni: Oh , you can totally say it as a 30 year old!!!! But when your audience is a 55 year old, they may be thinking . . . it's right around the corner.

me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jim/Doni: Not yet, though, I'm happy to say!!!!!!

me: What's right around the corner? The bathroom or the days of pooping the bed?

You're crazy. Go to bed.

and don't poop in it.

I'm saving this conversation forever.

Jim/Doni: Aggghhhh!
As Ol' Gene said, "Never trust a fart."

me: hahaha. Holy shit. No wonder I'm so cray cray.

Jim/Doni: Yep. It's in the Genes

me: I miss that Ol' Gene. Wish I could remember him better.

Jim/Doni: I'll regale you with stories about him till your ears fall off.

me: do it! And write them down. You're a good writer. Use it!

make a blog of crazy ass family stories

it'll be the next metal chicken

Jim/Doni: I know. I even crack myself up. Go write your papers.

me: hahaha. It's hard to when I'm laughing so hard. Ok, bye bye.

Jim/Doni: Bye bye Miss American Pie. I'm going to bed. I decided it's just as delusional to pretend tooth extraction day is like Christmas morning as it is to think it's like my death day. So I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to TUESDAY!!!!!!!

If you're gonna be delusional, might as well enjoy it, right?

me: yayyyy!!! Have fun with all the whacky gas.

Jim/Doni: You know I will. Although Bud won't be doing it. And his coke-bottle glasses are freaking hilarious staring at you through the nitrous.

me: oh my god. go. to. bed.!

Jim/Doni: Nite. Bye.

spinning

Even after all this time,
the sun never says to the earth,"You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that.
It lights the whole sky.

-Hafiz

When you find yourself with the Beloved, embracing for

one breath,

In that moment you will find your true destiny.

Alas, don't spoil this precious moment

Moments like this are very, very rare.

-Rumi

ahh! synchronicity (nerd alert: "synchronicity" was first described by Carl Jung in the 1920s). :) I started writing this post last night. 2 nights ago, Lizzy had sent me a video by a hooper that goes by the name, "Spiral". I'm a nerd about hoop videos and have seen lots of them, but had never seen this lady. In my opinion, she really brings hooping and hoopdance to a new level. After watching the one that Lizzy sent me, I went to the lady's YouTube page and found this one. Her fluid motion, spinning, and long dress reminded me of some sort of feminine, contemporary whirling dervish. The traditional Turkish dervishes are part of the Mevlevi Sufi Order that was founded by the mystic and poet, Rumi.

"Sufi whirling is a physically active mediation which originated among Sufis, and which is still practiced by the Sufi Dervishes of the Mevlevi order. It is a customary dance performed within the Sema, or worship ceremony, through which dervishes aim to reach the source of all perfection, or kemal. This is sought through abandoning one's nafs, egos, or personal desires by listening to the music, focusing on God, and spinning one's body in repetitive circles, which has been seen as a symbolic imitation of planets in the Solar System orbiting the sun."

"Rumi believed passionately in the use of music, poetry, and dance as a path for reaching God. For Rumi, music helped devotees to focus their whole being on the divine, and to do this so intensely that the soul was both destroyed and resurrected. It was from these ideas that the practice of "whirling" dervishes developed into a ritual form. His teachings became the base for the order of the Mawlawi which his son Sultan Walad organized. Rumi encouraged samā, listening to music and turning or doing the sacred dance. In the Mevlevi tradition, samāʿ represents a mystical journey of spiritual ascent through mind and love to the Perfect One. In this journey, the seeker symbolically turns towards the truth, grows through love, abandons the ego, finds the truth, and arrives at the Perfect. The seeker then returns from this spiritual journey, with greater maturity, to love and to be of service to the whole of creation without discrimination with regard to beliefs, races, classes, and nations."

What a beautiful concept and way to practice. Rumi and Hafiz both have influenced me a lot with their unbelievably beautiful ecstatic poetry. I took a break from writing and thinking about dervishes to check my messages and have breakfast this morning. My friend Lauren is moving to Japan for a year and posted a goodbye message with some lovely thoughts and a link to a video by Kate Bush. Kate has inspired me since I was about 14, when Jim introduced me to her stuff. Her songwriting is so unique and it always hits me. If you can get past some of the super '80s instrumentation and epic effects, the heart of every song is wonderful poetry. Hounds of Love, her 1985 release is still one of my favorites of all-time and, even though I've been listening to it for over 15 years now, every listen feels like the first.

In her message, Lauren had posted a link to the song, "Moments of Pleasure". It's from Kate's album, The Red Shoes but I didn't remember it and I had never seen the video. So, aside from corresponding with friends, it's the only thing I clicked to watch today and, lo and behold, she's spinning through the entire thing, remembering special moments from her life and, at the end, honoring family and friends of hers who have passed. It hit me in a special way today as I keep spinning out the threads in me that are made of sweet memories and little parts of hurt, to build a rope to my grandmother as she gets closer to her passing and also to connect more with my brother who is experiencing an even larger time of reconciliation. I also love the mustachioed "Bill" (my Dad's name) of the video, who whirls in at the end. Here are the lyrics.

Some moments that I've had
Some moments of pleasure

I think about us lying
Lying on a beach somewhere
I think about us diving
Diving off a rock, into another moment

The case of George the Wipe
Oh God I can't stop laughing
This sense of humour of mine
It isn't funny at all
Oh but we sit up all night
Talking about it

Just being alive
It can really hurt
And these moments given
Are a gift from time

On a balcony in New York
It's just started to snow
He meets us at the lift
Like Douglas Fairbanks
Waving his walking stick
But he isn't well at all
The buildings of New York
Look just like mountains through the snow

Just being alive
It can really hurt
And these moments given
Are a gift from time
Just let us try
To give these moments back
To those we love
To those who will survive

And I can hear my mother saying
"Every old sock meets an old shoe"
Isn't that a great saying?
"Every old sock meets an old shoe"
Here come the Hills of Time

Hey there Maureen,

Hey there Bubba,
Dancing down the aisle of a plane,

It's Murph, playing his guitar refrain,

Hey there Teddy,
Spinning in the chair at Abbey Road,

Hey there Michael,
Do you really love me?

Hey there Bill,
Could you turn the lights up?

taking my own advice...

and just enjoying
my rainbow
helium
birdsong heart
this early morning
and feeling like


inside.

mind and heart

are full of

these things today

...wanting Grandbetty's heart to be healthy, the beautiful and delicious organic eggs I got from Far Out Farms, the straight up strangeness of reading Genesis as an adult, all of the awesome things I'm learning and pondering from my class at the Jung Center, recent sister friend bonding time when Lizzy taught me how to make some crazy braids, and the power of community and prayer. I prayed so hard yesterday that I thought I would burst a blood vessel. I asked to be able to talk to my Grandbetty one more time, to have her realize who I am (she has Alzheimer's), and to be able to tell her that I love her. Her light is fading and I'm not sure how long she'll be with us, but I was given such a gift last night...spent over 2 hours talking with her, playing songs for her, singing to her with Grandbob, and reminiscing about our trip to Hawaii that we took when I was 10. She was incredibly lucid and loving and we both got to tell each other how much we love each other. I'm going back today to visit again with my Dad and Stepmom. Super grateful all around!

New Favorite Children's Book

DISCLAIMER: this is not really Reading Rainbow material. But you can't deny that Samuel L. Jackson keeps it real and his narration of the new bestseller, Go the Fuck to Sleep, by Adam Mansbach is pretty amazing. The illustrations are actually really beautiful and I can imagine that the ballsy prose would resonate with many exhausted parents. I will be listening to this little gem the next time I get the late night antsies.

Cloudburst

More Whitacre...
so. freaking. beautiful.

I've been slowing down to observe things lately...I found a huge datura plant growing in the neighborhood yesterday and showed Weston how, when you rub the leaves, they smell like peanut butter. The passionflowers are also blooming right around the corner. They're one of my very favorite plants on the planet for their beautiful, alien beauty and their anti-anxiety medicinal qualities and delicious fruit. Here's a photo I took of them while I was working at The American Botanical Council. Also, a loverly poem by my birthday buddy, Mary Oliver.

When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,

like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.

Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water-sparks from its wings.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or not.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(excerpt from The Leaf and the Cloud: A Poem)

Soul Food

I can't stop listening to this Eric Whitacre arrangment of Lux Aurumque lately. I love what he does with harmony so much. I also think the worldwide Virtual Choir is such an awesome idea...one of the best uses of technology I've seen in a while. I've been listening to this on headphones every night before bed for the past week.

I also can't stop looking at this:


The peace of being suspended in water is the closest I can come to describing how certain music makes me feel...alone but connected to something much bigger than I am. I've been enjoying refuge from the TX heat this summer by sinking to the bottom of the pool at our complex and laying with my back on the cement bottom for as long as I can, looking up at the sun or lights above, depending on the time of day. I find that a lot of music I gravitate to produces a similar feeling. I've been practicing some Satie lately and have almost completely memorized his Gnossienne No. 3. It's so sad and beautiful...takes me to the floaty place too. I've been playing piano for at least an hour a day this summer...usually longer. I often pray at the same time since piano is an instant way for me to shut off my monkey mind and let other things come through. I've dubbed this technique "prayano". :) It's been doing some good things for me.

I finally made it out to The Rose Colored Forest, an organic farm in Bedias, TX. I got two beautiful cucumbers and hours of amazing conversation in exchange for giving some help around the house. I'm going to be continuing housework and farm work once a week in exchange for some training in things that I've always wanted to learn: quilting, soapmaking, construction, etc. I'm beyond excited about this new collaboration.

I missed seeing so many members of my spirit family out at Kerrville Folk Festival this year but was graced with a house concert here by 3 of my festival favorites: Elam Blackman, Hunter Paye, and Ashley Mayne. They filled my heart and house with enough amazing music and friendship to tide me over until next year's fest.

Happy Early Father's Day to all the current and future Papas!